Helping Barry's Mother Accept Support Before She Thought She Needed It

Barry's mother is nearly 96 and was recently diagnosed with dementia, although her family had noticed the signs building for years.  She lives alone in a ground floor flat and is determined to stay there. 

Her son Barry, himself a mental health social worker with 40 years' experience supporting people with dementia, admits that knowing what to do professionally didn't make it easier personally: “It's very, very different when it's your own relative, my own mother.”

The Challenge

Like many people living with dementia, Barry's mother was in denial about her diagnosis and overestimated her ability to manage safely on her own.  She was grateful for her sons' help but maintained, consistently, that she didn't need it.  The signs said otherwise: a long-standing cleaner had become unreliable, and her sons could no longer be sure she was managing basic personal care day to day.  They knew they could keep her safe for now, but not indefinitely, and wanted support in place before a crisis made the decision for them.

The Approach

Barry and his brother started small: one hour of support a week, built around ordinary, everyday tasks rather than personal care, so their mother had time to get used to someone new in her home.  Thrive matched her with an Associate chosen for shared interests and background, not just availability, which Barry says was “absolutely key to mum accepting this person, feeling that she has something in common, something to talk about with her.”

Acceptance hasn't been constant.  Some weeks she forgets the visit happened at all; other weeks she'll ask her sons to cancel it.  Barry and his brother keep going anyway, because the value isn't in any one visit, it's in the relationship building steadily.  His advice to families in the same position: “Get in there nice and early... get them used to having support sooner rather than later.”

The Outcome

The weekly visit is now part of Barry's mother's routine, and gives her sons something practical: certainty that someone is checking on her.  As Barry puts it, “it's just made life, given us a reassurance, of knowing that mum's having that visitor.”

With that trust and routine now in place, Barry and his brother are in a much stronger position to increase support as her dementia progresses, adding more hours, or introducing help with personal care, without it becoming a fresh battle each time.  The relationship already exists; only the level of support needs to change.

“Our experience with Thrive has been nothing but positive,” Barry says.  “It's not just another home care agency, they're supporting their clients to thrive, not just exist.”

For further information on our dementia care, visit our dementia care services page.